naughty modesty

Comic Con? More like Camel Toe Con

2011-07-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

I recently took two of my favorite guilty pleasures to a whole new level of dedication: I attended two separate conventions. At a convention center over an hour away. Yeah, that dedicated. Specifically, Anaheim's Comic Con and Kush Expo, as both a comic/cartoon enthusiast and "casual" smoker. While stumbling around said cavernous convention center on both occasions, I began to notice how many attendees were indulging in our shared guilty pleasures as well as several others simultaneously. Though the conventions were mostly held indoors (the exception being the outdoor smoking section for medicinal marijuana patients at the Kush Expo), it was very much a festival-style free-for-all in regards to the amount of merrymaking via moderately priced booze, hook up attempts, and of course, female nudity.

"Do these leaves make my nipples look fat?"

Nuts to those scientists who said humans can't multitask: perhaps they didn't think to study unproductive behaviors along with productive ones. I could serve as a case study, as I had no trouble busying myself with my own guilty pleasures simultaneously at both conventions. And what are those you might ask? What else but consuming useless sundries and judging people? And in both respects, I was a happy hedonist in heathen heaven. The Comic Con girls were wild, but I kind of expected that (see: Wonder Woman). But the Kush Expo vendors' girls put them to shame, exposing more than Rihanna would feel comfortable wearing onstage or on the cover of Rolling Stone. It was at once magnificent and at times grotesque, like Halloween on Jersey Shore. Creativity abounded, but not always in the right ways or on the right people. Wigs and platforms approached Gaga heights, and I saw several girls wearing what could only be termed "ass chains": an assortment of chains beginning at the top of one's thong and attached to seemingly random other body parts and clothing. Ass chains are the Edible Arrangements of the fashion world: no one can believe they exist, and yet people keep buying them.

"I've got nothing to wear....hang on, the ass chains!"

After while, cracking wise at all of the attempted covert wedgie picks and near-fatal stiletto spills started to get old. I begged my boyfriend to let me take a picture of his face sandwiched between two pairs of barely-bikinied expo breasts, but he politely declined. I thought about having him take one of me, but struggled over what face I would make. Proper smile? Boring. Saucy wink? No, they'd expect that. Glamour shot-style folded hand to chin pose? Hmmm...maybe if I had brought my reading glasses, retainers, and worn some shorteralls complete with ass chains to make it extra sexy. I guess there's always next year!

Does this even need a caption?

My Side Effects' Side Effects

2010-11-28T21:30:00.000-08:00

I was leisurely creeping around on Facebook this afternoon when I saw an ad that made me laugh guiltily at its shockingly sly and frightening message:

Did you take X birth control pill? Have you experienced gallbladder removal, a pulmonary embolism, blood clots, deep vein thrombosis, or stroke?

The idea that a pill that you're supposed to take every day could cause such harmful side effects make you wonder why so many women took it at all. Seeing such an outrageous list of possible effects in print reminded me of another prescription product whose side effects don't seem quite worth the risk. The product I'm thinking of is an eyelash-enhancing solution for "inadequate or not enough lashes" which sounds more like a problem for Maybelline than a biological deficiency worth prescription medication.

This particularly ridiculous ad features a gorgeous actress complaining about her sub-par eyelashes, using the solution for 16 weeks and supposedly seeing marked improvement worth all of the risks of using the product (see commercial below). In addition to the ubiquitous 'Results May Vary' disclaimer, the company spells out a number of other side effects that make inadequate lashes seem like the last of your worries. Instead of having short, stubby lashes, you may grow movie star quality eyelashes while also experiencing the following:

      -Eye redness and/or itchy eyes
      -Increased pigmentation of the iris (which may be reversible)
        -Increased pigmentation of the eyelid (which may be reversible)
      -Increased hair growth in other areas the solution has touched

I love that phrase 'may be reversible'; it's ever so hopeful. Do you think that they offer some sort of accompanying ointment for these effects, or would that be too obvious? Of course, the company has earned an invaluable thumbs up from the FDA, and their website claims to have sold over 1.5 million bottles. That must mean that they're doing something right. Right?

By the way, this is the same company that hocks BOTOX ® Cosmetic and boasts 'the world's most elegant breast implants' (however odd a slogan that may be). I wonder if you can get a discount on all three services? Do they offer a fantastic plastic discount? Triple bonus points if you pay with a credit card? All joking aside, my point is this: if the side effects of the treatment are disproportionately worse than the original issue, don't use that method or product. It may seem unfair that these products are easily accessible on the market, but it's up to us as consumers to do the necessary research before putting a product in or on our bodies. It sound may sound simple, but tell that to the people out there with permanently discolored irises and eyelids that are wondering where they went wrong...

Why Apple Should Rule the World

2010-11-07T22:37:00.000-08:00

This morning, I got up extra-early (for a Saturday anyway) to make the trek to the Apple store to speak to someone about a few glitches I was experiencing with my iPhone 3G. For the last few weeks, I had been unable to end phone calls because it would freeze mid-call, refusing to respond when I hit the end button. As you can imagine, this was especially annoying if the person I was calling didn't pick up, in which case I would either have to leave a ridiculously long message worth of static and other ambient purse noises or turn the phone off and on. Every time. Then, the speed dial window started freezing up, so I would have to scroll through my entire address book every time I wanted to make a phone call. Sure, these seem like minor annoyances, but I decided to give Apple a try to see if there was anything they could do. After all, I was able to prove that my phone was malfunctioning on its own accord; its behavior was in no way related to how I had treated it. So I headed to the Glendale Galleria and decided to stop at H&M before dealing with the crowd at Apple.

While I was standing in line to pay, I decided to finish up some emails I had neglected earlier this morning. When it was my turn at the register, I went to put my phone back in my purse and fumbled with the armful of delightful finds I was attempting to purchase, dropping the phone in the process. It seemed to fall in slow motion, and I heard a very loud crunch as it hit the ground face down. There was a collective gasp from the line behind me, and when I picked it up a few glass shards crumbled onto my fingers.
A massive spider web of cracks began on the left side and continued over more than half of the screen, and scrolling was dangerous at best. Never mind the irritation of trying to read between the cracks, but what about the possibility of glass getting into my ear? No bueno. But how was I going to explain this to Apple? Would they believe that the incident had occurred that morning and was in no way related to the internal glitches on the phone? I decided to find out: after all, I would need a new phone regardless, and I thought there might even be a chance that they would let me upgrade ahead of schedule.

I walked into the already- bustling Apple store, and I was immediately intimidated. There were so many people, all of them demanding intimate attention from the few sales clerks in royal blue tee shirts. My spirits were a little , and I thought of myself as just another bee swarming around a limited supply of sweet technological honey. But wait! Suddenly, one of the clerks caught my dazed expression and asked if he could help me. I explained what had happened, and he actually seemed to believe me! He even helped me set up an appointment at the Genius Bar, which is Apple's version of Geek Squad. Hmm, I thought. An appointment, how very civilized! I strolled around the store for 15 minutes while waiting for my scheduled time, and I couldn't help but notice the diversity of the staff there. I had been picturing Scandinavian-esque people wearing silver jumpsuits and zipping around on Segways, doling out technology to the highest bidders.
But that was not the case: not only were there numerous bilingual staff members, but a few even had neon pink and red hair, and at least half had visible (if not very visible) tattoos. I started to relax, feeling a lot more at home with a lot of different types of people rather than the uppity Apple staff snobs I had envisioned.

When it was time for my appointment, they called my name and I stepped up to the bar. A sweet and knowledgeable gentleman greeted me warmly, politely listening to my iPhone saga as he entered my information into his Macbook. He told me that usually Apple did not replace phones for free when so they had been as thoroughly damaged, but that they would do it this one time because the glitch was occurring before I dropped it. I tried to finagle an upgrade out of the deal instead, but he said that they couldn't do that. I walked away with a brand new 3G without having to fill out any paperwork, and all I had to do was plug it into my computer to restore its memory. Of course, it would have been nice to upgrade to the iPhone 4, but I have to respect them for not giving in. I mean, I was practically throwing $200 at them to upgrade, and they respectfully declined. We're so used to expecting (if not outright demanding) instant gratification, it feels nice to actually have to wait for something. I know I'll appreciate the iPhone 4 once I've paid my dues with the 3G, which after all is one powerful little machine. And I know I'll continue to appreciate Apple, its unrivaled customer service, and of course: the value of a proper iPhone case.

A Meathead's Guide to Vegetarianism

2010-10-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

As a former omnivore, I don't miss accidentally drinking spoiled milk or sniffing meat to test its freshness. But I do miss the actual taste of meat, the ritual of sharing the same foods as everyone else at the table, and most importantly, holiday dishes. Yet I'm committed to avoiding meat, and after a brief stint eating fish I have realized that the only animal products I can consistently enjoy are eggs, cheese, and the occasional half & half in my coffee. I have many friends and family members who have tried to go veg, but I know few who have actually stuck to the diet. Please consider this a brief how-to guide for the herbivore/omnivore flip floppers, and know that you are not alone in your struggle!

1. First things first: make a list of the products you can live without, the products you enjoy but aren't your dietary staples, and products that you will have a hard time giving up. Be completely honest with yourself, and don't forget to factor in all of your favorite family recipes as those are usually the most difficult to go without. Once you've got your list, start your foray into vegetarianism by cutting out those fringe foods that you don't eat very often. Then keeping moving up the ladder until you've eradicated all unwanted items from your diet.

2. Accept the fact that fake meat and dairy products will never taste like the real thing. Let's be honest: not only are some of the products themselves repulsive, but the actual names of the substitutes are uninspiring to say the least. Consider seitan, a wheat gluten product. Wheat what? That sounds about as tasty as cream of wheat without any sugar. You can put as much emphasis on the second syllable as you want; it's still going to come out sounding like Satan. Or what about tempeh? The ubiquitous tofu? They all sound like futuristic food substitute cubes, and if they're not prepared correctly that's exactly what they are. Tofurky? Tofuckyourself. Actually, Tofurky's brand of Italian sausage is pretty good when you cut it up and serve over wild rice. I absolutely love Smart Ground: it's great in spaghetti sauce, taco salad, and breakfast burritos. Please note that meat substitutes taste much better when combined with a mixture of other ingredients.

3. If you're a die-hard milk fan but want to wean yourself off, do it slowly. Switch from fatty milk to two percent to skim before you make the jump to soy, rice, or other milk substitutes. One warning when making the switch--if you're a burgeoning chef, I would recommend against cooking with milk substitutes. Even if it's regularly flavored soy milk, your food will come out tasting faintly of vanilla. It's no bueno for scrambled eggs in particular: vanilla- flavored eggs are about as good a combination as orange juice and toothpaste.

4. Accept the fact that you're going to fall off the wagon a few times before vegetarianism really sticks. I've seen so many friends try to quit cold turkey (as well as fully-cooked turkey) and they get frustrated when they can't completely eradicate meat and/or dairy products right away without a slip up or two. With tempting treats like the bacon wrapped hot dog on the rise, it can be difficult not to stray. It's okay, it happens to the best of us. One minute you're completely content to munch on some veggie chili and veggie cheese slices, the next minute you're up to your elbows in Junior Bacon Cheeseburger wrappers, a helpless victim of the after-bar run to Wendy's. I can't tell you how many times my alcoholism got in the way of my vegetarianism.

5. Don't be afraid to try on pescetarianism before fully crossing over to the dark side. Many find fish a pleasant substitute for beef and poultry, and its availability in most restaurants and fast food menus makes it much easier to share meals with friends and family.
6. Many veggie virgins make the mistake of cutting out meat (and/or dairy) without properly supplementing their diet with appropriate protein and iron levels. I know, because that's exactly what I did when I first tried to go veg when I was 12. Beef up your non-beef diet with beans, peanut butter, nuts, and lots of spinach. I would also recommend taking either an iron or multivitamin as an extra precaution.

7. And finally, if you're truly committed, you eventually have to admit that you're a vegetarian. For most people, that is far easier said than done. Much like the 12-step program for substance abuse, the hardest part is admitting that we have a problem. In this case, our problem is with eating meat. We may think we live in a constantly evolving society, but some meat-eaters still take offense to vegetarians because they perceive us to be judgmental of their omnivorous choices. That's probably because they have met other vegetarians who have soured their opinion on the diet. Like all groups of people, vegetarians are diverse. I have met militant vegetarians and vegans who attempt to push their own all-or-nothing rules on the rest of the world, and I have met passive closet vegetarians who would sooner gnaw a calf's leg than offer their opinion or advice on the subject. Regardless of your political, social, or personal opinions on the matter, the decision is still made by you and you alone. If you are content with what you eat, why worry about anyone else? Bon appétit!

The Importance of Not Dressing Like a Meth Addict: Five Simple Words

2010-10-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

You'd be hard pressed to find a quintet of words in the English language that rival the always complicated and never humorous "I ran into my ex". Those fateful words usually elicit the delightful Charlie-ism 'Ohhhhhhhh shit.' Of course, not all exes are created equal: they come in all shapes and sizes. There are those that you're indifferent bordering on affable to that you never see, and those that, upon remembering, conjure up a moment of puzzlement before the magic tone of recognition is struck and you think to yourself 'Ohhhhh yeah...that guy. No harm, no foul,' you shrug.

But for those special few that still reside in your general vicinity as well as under your skin, the importance of not dressing like a meth addict is painfully clear. I'm not saying throw on your faux mink coat and strap your feet into sky-high short man soul crushers for every late night Wally World somnambulation or emergency beer run at 11:54PM. What I am saying is that the jammy jams should stay at home, lest you be caught in an awkward situation with an ex in public. I would say that on any given day, I dress like an average, reasonably put-together person. But for those four or five times a year when I look like Courtney Love on an off day, I'm almost guaranteed to run into an ex.
So far it's happened at the grocery store twice (who dresses up to go to the grocery store? This gal, now) and not even the fancy Super Target that everyone goes to to be seen; the P.O.S. Kroger chain that seems to be under perpetual renovation. I mean, come on!
Another time, I was on my way to getting my oil changed and I thought to myself 'I should have dressed nicer, but who cares? It's just an oil change.' Au contraire. While I was in the waiting room fingering the small hole in my cotton work out pants and contemplating the cleanliness of my shirt (Did I sleep in this? Am I wearing deodorant? Today's deodorant?) one of my exes walked in. He did the classic double take followed by a quick evaluation of all available exits. I was glued to my chair, also evaluating possible escape routes before remembering that my car was being worked on. So we sat, and made occasional small talk for what seemed like an eternity until my car was ready. I tried to mask my hurry to get out of there, but it's like the knee-clutching bit on Family Guy: it just gets more awkward with time.

It's not that I feel as if I have anything to prove to these unfortunate members of my past, because that's why they are exes in the first place. But by the same token, the fact that they are exes means that there was (at the very least) a lack of communication and mutual understanding that makes any further interactions frustrating and futile. Yet we still feel compelled to maintain a neutral facade to appease the need for social order. In order to reduce the stress of these two opposing forces, I find it helpful to dress like a (reasonably) sane person so as to behave like one. Fake it til you make it, right? Besides, when you're in sudden close proximity to someone who makes you slap your forehead on numerous occasions, you at least want to have the pleasure of looking good while doing it.

Drunken Jogging: Not My Best Idea

2010-09-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

I'm trying this repulsive habit called jogging, maybe you've heard of it? Usually I just put on my sunglasses, turn on my iPod for the old warm-up/distraction technique, and away I go. But today, today was different. Today, I learned a few things. I don't know if it was the crisp fall air that kept my mind unusually alert, or the fact that I couldn't find my headphones and was thus music-less, but I felt like I was hyper aware of my surroundings. I noticed a lot of things that would have gone previously unnoticed. First of all, there's hardly any wind in L.A. which is why everyone's bangs look so good all of the time.

Secondly, dusk is the perfect time to wash a car if you're a hairy old man with the same physique and wardrobe as Tobias F ünke. And no, those short shorts do not effectively hide your thunder.

And lastly, yet perhaps most importantly, I learned that drunken jogging was not my best idea.
Okay, so I wasn't totally drunk, just drunk-en: I had had a glass and a half of leftover wine with an early dinner (Hey, it was going to go bad if I let it go one more day). When I set out on my journey, I immediately noticed the lack of control I had over my feet, which is why drunk people tend to fall down and should not be running in the first place. I barely made it around the block before slinking back around the corner, hoping no one had observed my pathetic attempt from the coffee shop's patio across the street. It was reminiscent of that Swingers montage on 30 Rock when Tina Fey's character repeatedly drunk dials a co-op board. From a treadmill. With a goblet of wine. Only I was in public.

Is Your Friend Dating the Social Equivalent of Lil' Kim or Eeyore the Donkey?

2010-09-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

What do you say to a close friend who’s dating someone you’re less than fond of? You know, someone whose very presence forces your brain against the brick wall of constantly revisiting the phrase 'Are you f**king kidding me?' They might not necessarily be a bad person, just bad for your friend. At this difficult and well-traveled ethical crossroads, how do you know which path to take? Do you ignore your misgivings and soldier on, nodding your puppet head and configuring your mouth into a facsimile of a smile whenever necessary? Absolutely! After all, you might be wrong about them: maybe your first, second, and twenty-fifth impressions were just waaaay off target. Maybe it’s okay that they still live at home and pump gas for a living, unfettered by college or a real job. Maybe it’s a good thing that your friend deems it necessary to drop the confining pretext of their bothersome personality and interests in order to better suit those of their significant other. Hell, if Madonna can do it, why not us regular chumps?

Besides, your friend seems so happy.... but who wouldn’t be? Maintaining a relationship is a piece of cake when you mold yourself in the exact image of your significant other. It’s genius, really: how can they ever disagree with you if you’re constantly mirroring their own wants and needs? There’s no expectations or disappointment, just two people who have literally become one (or three-quarters to a whole person when pried apart from one another). Sure, you’ve lost a friend, but you’ve actually gained another half of a friend! And at the very least, you can go to sleep at night knowing that Eeyore will no longer be lonely after clearing a room.

Meet Chaz, The Michael Scott of Yoga

2010-09-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have always loved yoga but found the instructional DVDs a little dull. I understand that yoga is supposed to be a quiet, reflective meditation, but why does that always translate to boring? I need a work out plan that satisfies my desire to not have to leave the house, exercise in one hour or less, and keep my ADD-addled brain constantly amused. Enter the FREE yoga podcasts produced by Yogamazing.com...

What's different about these podcasts versus the stuffy old DVDs? An instructor named Chaz who resembles Steve Carell's character Michael Scott on The Office, both in looks and awesome abundance of corny, forehead-slapping jokes. I can't help but giggle whenever Chaz makes an offhanded quip to the camera and then unabashedly laughs at himself.

One of my favorites is the brief, 25 minute morning podcast when he advises his students to do their yoga before they take a shower, otherwise they would (obviously) arrive at work to questions of 'Hey, did you do yoga this morning? I can tell. Har har.' What's really great is that it's just Chaz and the camera, so there's an extra-awkward silence before he begins to laugh himself. Try not to smirk when one of Chaz's stinkers blows up in his face as you perform utkatasana (chair pose) or vrksasana (tree pose).

In all seriousness, he's a great instructor and his humor doesn't take away from his well-choreographed yoga flows. He can make fun of himself even while he's holding difficult asanas (poses), which is very reassuring and completely unique to his classes. If Chaz can make the perpetual, dreaded return to down dog pose funny, then it can't be that bad. As he says time and time again on his podcasts, Yogamazing is 'where down dog is man's best friend'.

Weird Sh*t in My Neighborhood: Scientology's Colossal "Church"

2010-09-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not against religion per se, but I am absolutely against the pseudo-religious money-grubbing organization known as Scientology. This mega-behemoth so-called 'place of worship' is located a little too close to my house for comfort. They even have a separate facility called the Celebrity Centre International where B-list actors can go to share their warm thoughts and fuzzy feelings on Scientology.

These 'celebrities' drone on with testimonials (riddled with nonsense and poor grammar) on how Scientology has helped them, and how they recommend it to anyone and everyone. Yet, I'm still unclear as to how Scientology has helped them. Take Jason Dohring, the newest poster boy for what can be properly termed 'the world's biggest cult'. Wait, you don't know who he is? Me neither. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and actually read his full interview, hoping to gain some insight into this mysterious group of snake oil salesmen.

Here are some of Jason's words of wisdom:

When you receive auditing, you see how your past decisions stay with you and unknowingly affect your life today. Once you uncover those decisions, you´re not the effect of them anymore. Apparently, he needed Scientology to tell him that his past decisions affect his present situation. Surprise! I'd say he got his money's worth, wouldn't you? Here's another little gem of wayward information that I can't even begin to wrap my brain around:

What's a win you've had from your auditing?

I was in session one time and we got to the end of an incident and the auditor asked if there was anything earlier, similar to the incident that we were just running. I couldn't think of anything and I thought that was pretty much it. But she kept asking for something earlier. And all of a sudden I got this picture of this tree. “Well, I don't know what this is. I've just got a picture of a tree,’ I said.“Is there anything more to that?’ she asked.

So, basically, while doing that, I came up with the most unbelievable [injury] incident. And at the end of it, we found the underlying decision I had made at the time. And it's amazing, man! You find these decisions that are affecting your life today, from past incidents, past experiences. The decision was, “I'm not listening to you, buddy.’

I wish I could tell you that this excerpt is taken completely out of context, but I can't. The entire interview continues on in that manner, and neither Jason nor his interviewer ever won me over. Then again, I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who looks like he's about 10 years too late for Heaven's Gate. Oh well, I guess he just found the next best thing.

L.A. Craigslist Ads: A Veritable Comedic Gold Mine

2010-09-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

Reading the Los Angeles Craigslist ads has become a daily guilty pleasure of mine. Honestly, I can't remember when I've laughed so hard. And I haven't even ventured into the sections with hilarious sobriquets like 'missed connections' and 'casual encounters'. Right now, I'm sticking to the 'gigs--talent' section. With provocative titles like these, I couldn't not click on them. Luckily, the descriptions were more than rewarding:

LITTLE PERSON FOR DEMON ROLE IN MUSIC VIDEO!!

Little Person, male or female, needed to play an over-the-top DEMON limo driver in a country music video shooting in Hollywood on Tuesday, Sept. 14th. Come have fun!

98 lb Weakling type needed for TV Interview

Tired of watching your beefy friends get girls? Tired of sleeping in doorways because your chiseled roommate is bringing home a different girl each night? A successful TV show is looking for a nerdy, 98 lb weakling type to give a brief, on camera interview.

THE CHINA-DAVE MATTHEWS COVER BAND - Asian DMB cover band

My name is Bruno and I've been a Dave Matthews Band fan for 13 years now. I love them! I love playing their music and I wanted to get a group of people together to create a cover band. Since I'm Asian, Chinese to be exact, I thought it would be interesting to maybe create an all Asian DMB Cover band called The China-Dave Matthews Cover Band. I'm ideally looking for a really talented drummer, an awesome bassist, a sweet saxophone player and a soulful violin player. If you guys are interested, drop me a line. I'm in the very initial stages of putting this together; I guess this posting serves as a test to see if people would be interested in doing this. If you are, please reply!

Thanks for your time!
Bruno (Chinadave)

Girls needed for jealousy

Hey,
I want to make my ex jealous for the prank she pulled on me and I am going to need 2-3 girls to play short games at a bar
If you're interested it pays 20 per hour.Why not get paid to have a good time and enjoy some laughs?
Please send pictures.

Scooter Smiff Music Video

Casting Models for "I Want You" Music Video for Scooter Smiff featuring Mashaun. Scotter Smiff is a 14-year old, Baltimore raised, triple-threat (actor/dancer/rapper) who first gained attention for his music when he released the track "Head Of The Class" featuring Chris Brown.

When Choosing (s)Insurance, Let Your Inner Child Be Your Guide

2010-08-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not ashamed to admit that I chose my car insurance based on their mascot. And no, it wasn't the Geico gecko. Give me a little credit. It was the adorable, spunky, pink-haired superhero chick from esurance-- Erin Esurance just seems trustworthy, you know? She even has her own virtual world that you can explore on the esurance site.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I had no idea how much work it would be to update my auto insurance. My skimpy, $96/month policy from Progressive wasn't going to cut it, so I canceled and started shopping around (Besides, their spokesperson is a real-live person named Flo with a face and a too-peppy voice that only a mother could love).

If you want to experience one of the possible scenarios one might suffer through in hell, then you should spend an afternoon online getting insurance quotes. I went to Insurance.com, a website that claimed (har) to ask only 'one set of questions' to compare quotes from 12 major companies, in order to 'save you time and money' by not having to answer each individual company's queries. Well, they lied. They showed me the top two quotes: one from one company I knew and another that sounded borderline legitimate at best. Then, they gave me 'helpful' links to other companies' websites where I would then have to guess what? RE-ENTER ALL OF THE INFORMATION I JUST SPENT 20 MINUTES ENTERING. But hey, at least it's all easy stuff that everyone already knows the answer to right away. Like your vehicle identification number, the deductible amount from your last insurance policy, the exact dates of all of your traffic violations within the last 5 years. Boy was that a fun time speeding down memory lane. But I got it sorted out after many hair-pulls and heavy sighs, and as a reward I got a policy confirmation email from Erin Esurance herself! I feel so privileged; Flo never sent me emails.

It's not your fault, American Apparel. We're just wearing you wrong!

2010-08-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

When I first saw some of the slightly awkward models that American Apparel employs in magazines, billboards, and online ads, I was a little bit impressed. I thought well on the company for wanting to promote clothing both modeled and worn by normal-ish people, and I could appreciate the company's unwillingness to follow other retailers' use of scrawny, hollow-cheeked, prepubescent girls (ahem Urban Outfitters).

Then came the uber-racy online ads. I wasn't too thrilled with the ever-present, sheer lace-clad model scrolling down my Facebook page, legs spread suggestively, expression devoid of anything but the usual 'sex face'. I was even less impressed by the artless arrangement of the models' bodies: in some of the ads, their legs and arms were bent in ways that looked as painful as their faces made them seem.

And yet, I was still intrigued by a place whose popularity sky-rocketed almost overnight. I decided to go on a fact-finding mission in order to learn more about this omnipresent brand. Naturally, I eschewed the gold leggings and burnout hoodies and decided to try something more conventional like their plain cotton dresses and skirts.

But no matter how many sizes and styles I tried on, they all looked about as good as a brand-new school uniform. I was confused: was my ass getting fat again? My legs too long? Torso too short? Frustrated, I finally found a dress appropriately titled 'Le Sac' which is (you guessed it) very much like a sack. And guess how it looks?

After going home and further scrutinizing the models, I had a eureka moment when I realized what the problem was---I wasn't wearing their clothes in the right setting! I mean, look at their ads. Would you look good in a mesh bodysuit if you were standing up on your own two feet like a normal person? Or if you paired the bodysuit with anything else? No, silly; you should always be bending over backwards onto a glass table to get the right effect of the ensemble. Duh!

naughty modesty to be considered for The Printed Blog!

2010-08-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

I came across The Printed Blog last week, and after making sure it was reasonably legit, I decided to apply to for one of their feature blogger positions. I admit, I first had a good laugh at the idea (A synopsis of blogs in a printed magazine delivered weekly? What's next, an attachment for your iPhone that prints your text messages?), and to be honest, I didn't think they'd respond! When they did answer my inquiry and asked if I'd like naughty modesty to be considered by their editors for publication, I was more than a little bit humbled; I felt like a jerk for bad-mouthing their very novel (har) idea. And after reading a few of their back issues I was impressed and a little flattered, because not only do they pick some of the most interesting and out-there blogs on the web, but they pair them with some of the most thought-provoking photos I've ever seen. Some of them were risque, wacky, or downright confusing. But they were all photos that my eyes crawled over for much longer than it took to devour the short and sweet blog posts, causing me to reconsider the depths of what photography can express with a single picture. Plus, I have to give them some serious respect for their devilishly brilliant tagline 'Like the internet. Only flammable'.

So, I have agreed to let The Printed Blog's editors comb through naughty modesty each week *fingers crossed* Let's see what they can find!

Meet the pupusa, the Salvadoran hot pocket! & other tales from LA la land

2010-08-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today marks the ten day anniversary of my stay in Los Angeles...and for lack of a more original phrase, 'what a long strange trip it's been'. In addition to working my ass off for my new job at BestNewBands.com, I've been exploring the city and my neighborhood and taking in as much local color as possible, something that this city is overflowing with. Here are just a few irreverent (and mostly irrelevant) observations about my new home that have really made an impression or just made me chuckle:

Judging from the latest ubiquitous hipster fad, there are a lot of tail-less foxes running around the outskirts of Los Angeles.

Dogs have obtained the same status as children, both in sheer numbers and the crazy ways that their owners adorn them.

There are pupuserias on every corner, always with a line out the door. What is a pupuseria you might ask? A place where you buy a pupusa, of course ( a kind of Salvadoran hot pocket).

Everyone here is an equal opportunity partier. Saturday night, Tuesday afternoon, it's all good. Any and all of the time, with a fervor and dedication that rivals Mardi Gras-goers. On Saturday I went to Sunset Junction, a street fair hosting local artists, vendors, and 5 stages with all kinds of bands. I was standing on the street, enjoying a nice warm beer when two girls began to scuffle next to me, obviously inebriated. One girl eventually yanked up the other girl's dress, much to my surprise and an incredible lack of surprise from my fellow fair-goers. She apparently exposed a lot more than she had been prepared to share with the crowd, judging from her lack of undergarments.

American Apparel is certainly not going out of business in Silver Lake anytime soon. There are enough mesh tank tops in the window display to make Lt. Jim Dangle blush.

Everyone loves what could be called 'new wave candy kids glam' which is exactly as flashy and semi-interesting as it sounds. See video below for further details:

A Politely Disapproving Letter to Beyonce

2010-07-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Beyonce,

I came across your music video "Video Phone" featuring Lady Gaga, and I have so many questions for you!
1. Did you watch the final cut of the video before it was released? If so, did you experience any headaches or dizziness due to the constantly flashing images? Because I did.
2. When are your lyrics going to reflect events in your actual life and the real world? For example:
"I want to make sure you remember me" Well no duh, you're Beyonce. Kind of hard to forget.
"You say you like my bag and the color of my nails" So, you're a multi-million dollar pop icon and all you have to talk about is your purse and nails?
3. What is the real difference between this song/video and your previous work?
Catchy hook? Check.
Predictable, uninspiring backbeat? Check.
Scanty, futuristic attire? Check.
Suggestive props and poses? Check.
Hip thrusts and crotch grabs? Double check.

4. Why on earth would you include Lady Gaga? You are already a megastar in your own right; you don’t need to tack her onto the bill. She looks like the illegitimate child of Iggy Pop and Courtney Love, and standing next to you just highlights how mannish she is. And the fact that you’re dressed exactly alike in unflattering white leotards doesn’t help. The tandem dance number at the end is painful to watch: Gaga is about as nimble as a baby giraffe with a broken ankle.
5. I suppose what I’m getting at is the ultimate question for female pop stars: is this considered empowerment? Or just sexploitation? Is there another, more official-sounding made up word we can apply to this phenomenon? I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to do what you want, but who's really calling the shots here? All I see is an incredibly talented young woman dressing and acting like a bimbo. Cliche? Yes. True? Absolutely.
6. Can you please detach yourself from the current crazy parade of starlets (ahem Kesha) and set your sights a little bit higher? What happened to the brilliant acting in ‘Dreamgirls’ and all of the songs you performed to perfection for the 2009 Oscars?
Lastly, I just want to personally thank you for 'Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)'. Thank you for reminding us that one of the most recognizable women in the world is still bound and determined to be bound to a man. Sure, I should have seen it coming after the atrociously servile Destiny’s Child song ‘Cater 2 U’, but this is ridiculous. Doesn't your (previous) immense success as a single female suggest the exact opposite perspective of all of these songs? I sure hoped so.

Disappointedly yours,

laurel Kathleen

album review: Sundress' Fever

2010-06-24T08:44:00.001-07:00

I remembered the sound of deep longing in Sundress' song 'In the Reflection' when I first heard them play at the NX35 conferette, and the chorus has haunted me ever since. It's clear that the members of Sundress are old souls with young hearts, a refreshing combination that is especially apparent in that particular tune. Very rarely does one song have such a long lasting effect on me, making me wonder about the other songs Sundress had to offer.

I wasn't disappointed: this is an incredibly bright group of musicians that seem to be making all of the right moves, and their new album Fever is a direct reflection of that. I was completely transfixed by the ethereal guitar effects, thoughtful lyrics, and the soft heartbeat of the drums. The bass line is minimalist but not boring, and the overall mood is reminiscent of early Radiohead and Grizzly Bear. Each of the seven songs on the album contains these same musical elements, but it is the way that they combine and tweak these elements that makes this album so good. Sundress isn't about singling out a particular voice, but about the conversations those voices have together.

The album begins with 'Dream Curl', a sublimely transcendent tune with a gossamer-thin crescendo over the vocals that accents the masterful phrasing of singer Ryan McAdams. The intensity and musical complexity of 'Locust' takes the album a step further, with a seemingly serene melody with just enough foreboding chord changes to keep you from getting too comfortable.
'Two Tone' sounds like a far prettier version of Modest Mouse's 'Blame it on the Tetons'. This song is gorgeous and dreamy, a song that you can imagine drifting off to sleep to as Sundress played under your window on a warm spring evening.
'Islands' quietly broods to sleigh bells before transitioning to an elegant ballad, only to arrive back at the original melody.
'Stellas' was written in a style similar to that of Built to Spill, an indie power anthem that stands out because of the heavier presence of the drums. The title track 'Fever' is extra-special, not just because of its use of 5/4 time but because it concludes the album with a grand finale of cymbal crashes and a driving guitar line that are unlike anything else on the album. 'Fever' is the perfect exit music because it reinforces all of the ideas of the preceding tracks while giving us a little taste of something different that leaves us wanting just a little bit more.

Buy Fever on iTunes or hit up the band on their Facebook page for a copy.

The Devolution of the English Language

2010-06-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid that we are fast approaching a society akin to that in the brilliant Mike Judge film Idiocracy. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a watch or two.
The premise of the movie is that our civilization has declined to the point of complete economic, social, and cultural ruin because TV and instant gratification have eclipsed books and any sort of yearning for knowledge. The movie is brilliant, but at times it hits a little close to home. Every time I watch it, I notice little signs in the real world around me that hint to a future not unlike that of the movie. For instance, the new Home Depot slogan 'More Saving. More doing.'. Wow. Really? I'm all for a short, snappy tag line, but this is ridiculous. I mean, this is a multi-billion dollar company and they hire an ad executive with grammar that would make Flava Flav blush.

Or consider the billboards I saw for Emerus Emergency Room on Highway 380 in Denton: the first one read 'Emerus' and the second one read 'Don't know Emerus? Better find out before an emergency'. I don't know about you, but I feel like I fell off a cliff with that second one. Before an emergency what? These are the people we are trusting with our lives?

While I was driving on that same highway, I pulled up behind a white Toyota at a stoplight proudly displaying a large, delightfully colorful sticker across the back window. It said 'Rock Wit It'. Oy.
I wonder what that person's resume looked like.

These vignettes are only a few examples of the current state of the English language. Many finger TV, texting, and the internet as the culprits behind this degradation. Others list the many reasons we are all too busy chasing cheese in the American rat race to be bothered by correct punctuation or spelling. I disagree: I think we are just getting lazy. I admit, writing an actual letter seems a lot more tedious and unnecessary than writing an email. Remember those long, heartfelt letters that your grandparents wrote to one another in beautiful, flowing script and prose? Those days are dead and gone. But just because the methods of communication have changed doesn't mean that the content of that communication has to suffer. David Duchovny's character on the show Californication says it best in the following clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGz6NdLBF2Y

I happened to catch the band Devo on The Colbert Report, and both members of the group were quick to inform Mr. Colbert that our culture is, in fact, devolving. Never one to agree with his guests, Stephen Colbert replied "I don't believe in devolution, only intelligent decline."

Top 5 Best and Worst Performances At Bonnaroo 2010

2010-06-15T17:25:00.001-07:00

I hesitate to say 'worst', perhaps 'most disappointing' is more appropriate. Oh well, enjoy!
WORST

1. The Flaming Lips at Which Stage Friday 6.12.10
I’m sure you’re thinking ‘Sacré bleu! How could The Flaming Lips be listed as the number one worst performance of Bonnaroo 2010?’ The answer is ‘with considerable disgrace and a complete lack of aplomb’. Firstly, their performance was billed as ‘Flaming Lips ft. Stardeath and the White Dwarves perform Dark Side of the Moon’ and they were supposed to play from midnight until 2am. We got to Which Stage at 11pm, hoping to get a good spot before the show started. At midnight, all of the stage lights went out suddenly and the crowd went wild. The Flaming Lips then came out and proceeded to play over an hour long set of their original music. The small group I was with all looked at one another and scratched our heads. What about Dark Side of the Moon? Front man Wayne Coyne announced that they would be performing Dark Side of the Moon directly after their set, and there was a low grumble from the crowd. Many of us had sacrificed The Black Keys and Bassnectar for The Lips, who happened to all be playing at the exact same time. We decided to stay and see the show, and boy was that a disappointment in itself. It was the exact same performance as the show they did in Denton for the NX35 Conferette: complete with shoddy playing, pre-pubescent style vocalizations, and Wayne’s trash talking to the audience. “Come on you mother fuckers!” he shouted, right after preaching the importance of loving one another. Ummmm what? We walked away about two-thirds of the way through their set, completely disgusted with the entire fiasco. Sure, they had Wayne come out in a giant hamster ball for the first song as well as balloons, confetti cannons, and giant LED screen behind the band that showed all manner of crazy visualizations. But that didn’t cover up the deplorable lack of musicianship and absolute disregard for the fans that Wayne seemed to embody proudly. Not only had we missed two other bands that we really wanted to see, but we heard Wayne announcing the beginning of The Dark Side of the Moon around 2am. We walked away and ended up catching Galactic instead (see ‘Top 5 Best’ listed below). The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth, and what bothered me the most wasn’t the crappy music, the rehash of the Denton concert, or even the misleading information given to the fans. What bothered me the most was the complete lack of respect that the Lips showed for the 100+ other artists sharing the bill. Every other artist I saw stayed within the tight confines of their set times because they knew that for every minute they went over, they were taking a minute of time from another band. But not The Flaming Lips. Is there a word for a band that has sold not its souls but the fans that made them who they are in the first place? I know that they are a huge draw for festival-goers, but come on. I say it’s high time that we dethrone these false festival gods and tell Wayne Coyne to come back when the music, performance, and attitude is back up to the old Lips standards.

2. Lee Burridge (DJ set)The Lunar stage Friday 6.11.10
Think of the most generic, overplayed techno/rave music that you’ve heard in movies, clubs, or on TV since 1995. Now, imagine a huge field of 30,000+ glowstick-clad ravers dancing, spinning, and getting fucked up to that music. Add a super-powered subwoofer at a volume that was nigh impossible to stand, and you’ve got the Lee Burridge set in a nutshell. I couldn’t wait to get as far away as possible, although I admit the ravers were fun to watch. I saw a girl getting a light show from two gentlemen with lighted gloves on their hands and two girls spinning glowsticks on strings around them. The girl getting the show sat transfixed, mouth open in a happy grin.

3. LCD Soundsystem This Tent Friday 6.11.10
I am a huge fan of LCD Soundsystem, or should I say ‘was’. I only caught about 15 minutes of their set on Friday night, but I was immediately turned off by the amount of showboating and self-indulgence that lead singer James Murphy brought to the stage. This is the kind of electronic dance band whose bread and butter is a driving beat coupled with slick, sometimes irreverent lyrics delivered in a nice, sparkly package. The music was there, but he tried way too hard to change up the vocals and lyrics to the point that they were almost unrecognizable.

4. Against Me! This Tent Sunday 6.13.10
Florida punk band Against Me! didn’t necessarily play a bad set, but I question the inclusion of hardcore punk bands such as Against Me! and Rise Against (why don’t they just combine the two and change the name to ‘Rise Against Me!’) into a feel-good festival like Bonnaroo. I’m all for an eclectic variety of music, but I don’t think that the screamy, angry bands really fit in with the rest of the music at Bonnaroo. Not to mention their fans were all given a wide berth around their combat boots, shaved heads, and surly dispositions. I feel the same way about the pop hip-hop groups like Kid Cudi and B.O.B. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be invited, but the kind of mainstream music-lovers that they bring in are insufferable at best.

5. B.o.B. That Tent Friday 6.11.10
Speaking of insufferable, young hip hop/rap artist B.o.B. is the honorary recipient of the award for ‘Most Unlisten-able Band at Bonnaroo’. I was curious about this youngster, not just because I had yet to pin down the specific genre of music but because I had heard absolutely no buzz about B.o.B prior to the show. As soon as I heard the first few chords of the first song, I knew why. This group is all over the place, and they’re trying to do way too much of what other people have already done. By trying to incorporate 80’s pop, techno, rock, and rap the group stretches themselves too thin. The result is an angry mixture of competing styles, all vying for the spotlight and none of them getting it.

BEST

1. Stevie Wonder's performance at What Stage Saturday 6.12.10
By Saturday, the feeling throughout the crowd was considerably more subdued than it had been the previous days. It had been hot and sunny both Thursday and Friday, and everyone wore uncomfortable-looking sunburns and weariness on their faces. But when the sun went down, everyone began to perk up in anticipation of seeing the great and powerful Stevie Wonder perform on the big stage. He went on around 8:30 pm, and by the end of the first song it didn't matter that we were all exhausted. His band outshone all of the other bands at the festival, and the sound of his voice and expressions of utter joy were awe-inspiring to say the very least. He encouraged us to join in on many call-and-answer vocalizations, and the 80,000+ crowd participated with a zest that filled the evening air and our downcast spirits with cheer.

2. Galactic's set at The Other Tent Friday 6.11.10
After the disappointment of The Flaming Lips' performance, we wandered over to catch Galactic around 2:15am. We were tired and a little crestfallen, and we practically trudged over the slight hill to get to the stage. Bassnectar was playing at This Tent next door, their incredibly powerful bass eclipsing all other sounds until you were almost completely under The Other Tent’s giant white awning. But when I saw that stage filled with drums and trombones backlit by soft hues of alternating cool and warm colors, I knew I was in the right place. The incredible amount of energy and good feelings coming from the stage were so powerful my eyes shimmered with tears. Finally, a band that understood the festival vibe and graciously fed us hungry late-night jammers! Every trombonist was a veritable rock star in their own right, and they jostled one another for the spotlight with a good-natured charm that let us know that they were only fooling. After all, their real enemy was the mind-blowing saxophonist that incited many whoops and cheers from the audience, elbowing his way past the many trombone players to add his fire to the mix. All the while, the drummers and rest of the rhythm section did a superb job of keeping the party going, barely pausing between songs as they cranked out Latin grooves, Dixieland jams, and everything funky in between. The crowd took it all in and gave everything back, dancing with a ferocity and excitement that exceeded any other performance that I witnessed.

3. Ween at Which Stage Sunday 6.13.10
I cannot overstate the vulgarity of Ween's lyrics. I also cannot say that they didn't elicit a chuckle from me here and there as my brain struggled to digest their crude yet brilliantly-delivered lyrics juxtaposed against some of the most delightful country music I've ever experienced. After playing a few tunes in that manner, they began adding guitar and vocal effects that colored their sound in lushly psychedelic tones. In addition to their wealth of genre-crossing songs and sounds, they played a cover of David Bowie's 'Let's Dance' that was absolutely stunning.

4. Punch Brothers ft. Chris Thile at That Tent Friday 6.11.10
There were times when I thought mandolin player Chris Thile was getting a little too big for his britches, and other times when I thought they fit just right. In addition to some seriously furious mandolin picking and strumming, the other members played the string bass, banjo, guitar, and fiddle. Having never heard of the acoustic/bluegrass/folk group, I was impressed by how big of a crowd they drew considering how early they played on Friday. I loved their covers of The Strokes’ ‘Room on Fire’ and Radiohead’s ‘Morning Bell’. I love a band that can select a cover from outside their own genre and make it their own: there’s nothing like hearing heavily produced tunes stripped bare by musicians that are just as capable as the ones that wrote the original tunes.

5. Medeski, Martin, and Wood at the Sonic Stage Sunday 6.13.10
The Sonic Stage is a tiny stage that features half hour sets by artists that are also playing on the bigger stages. Progressive jazz trio Medeski, Martin, and Wood brought the jams to both the Sonic Stage and The Other Tent on the last day of the festival. But it was their intimate show on the Sonic Stage that stuck out in my mind. We were close to the stage, and the other audience members around us maintained a respectful distance from one another so that everyone would get a good view of the tiny little platform. The sun beat down on our backs and legs underneath our Camel Paks, but we didn’t mind. The cool, mellow sound of the three men improvising washed over us, refreshing our tired bodies and minds.

Bonnaroo 2010 Pt 1: Packing

2010-06-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's a sign of the extra-meticulous planning gene I got from my mom, or maybe it's a warning sign of OCD, but I began planning for this year's Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival as early as three months ago. The festival begins next Thursday, June 10th, and runs through the end of Sunday, June 14th. This will be a three-peat for me, as I attended both in 2009 and 2008.
I wouldn't consider my self a seasoned veteran, but I certainly learned a lot from my first two experiences. The most important lesson I learned was one and the same as the Boy Scouts of America: be prepared! Thus the months-in-advance preparation. My roommate thought I was off my nut when I scolded her for eating my Bonnaroo goody stash, pointing out "But isn't that two months from now?" Yes, but that's not the point! A chronic forgetter, I have been buying little snacks here and there whenever I'm doing my usual grocery shopping so that I don't forget anything crucial. Things like trail mix, Gatorade, string cheese, and hand sanitizer. You know, the random shit you can't recall when you're in the snack aisle but remember later and kick yourself for forgetting. I have a small cache already packed up and sitting by my front door.
Once I got all of the edible treats, I began the long, arduous task of securing all of the fun extras that are completely unnecessary but entirely worth it. I scored some cheap glow sticks at Wal Mart and some killer neon glow bracelets at Party City. Can't beat 99 cents! The trickiest part was the body paint- after seeing all of my fellow Bonnaroovians decked out in the brightest paint imaginable, I was craving some sort of fabulously bright dayglo paints for myself. The first place I went was a head shop, and boy did they have some selection! The friendly gentleman behind the glass counters full of pipes and various other smoking devices was more than happy to show me what they had in stock.
First we perused the edible varieties, which I quickly declined. I have no desire to lick (or be licked) any sort of anything off of any one else, especially not when I'm surrounded by 80,000 strangers. Besides, who wants to be covered in body chocolate when it's 90 degrees outside? We then moved onto the blacklight/glow-in-the-dark section. I ended up purchasing four little pots of neon paint that was supposed to glow in the dark. After leaving it under my bathroom light for hours and hours, I rubbed some of the bright yellow on my wrist to see what it looked like. Total bust! Not only could I not see any of the paint in natural light, but when I turned off the lights I couldn't even make out the outline of the little paint flower I had drawn on myself. Bummer!
My next stop was Amazon.com, but the best they could do was a kit for pregnant women to paint on their bellies. While I did consider it, it was $20 and seemed kind of creepy to be ordering something for a pregnant woman. Almost like bad luck, or at the very least I would probably get some suggestions from Amazon for some 'amazing' maternity clothes. Yuck.
As a last resort, I ventured into Spencer's Gifts at the mall. I was quickly shown the erotic section of the store, and again the majority of available body paint was indeed edible. BUT luckily for me, I spotted the last available non-toxic body and fabric paint. I asked the girl working the cash register if it was any good and she said that ravers seemed to like it, so it must be pretty bright. I half-smiled, thanked her, and paid the $10. I walked right outside the store and sat down on a bench, anxiously tearing open the plastic package. I opened the first color (purple) and squeezed some out of the tube and onto my wrist. The result? Fantastic! Not only is it super bright but it looks kickass under blacklight as well. I walked away from Spencer's as all of its patrons do, with a smug smirk and a secret tucked away in a white plastic bag.

NEW Yogurt Fusion on Denton Town Square

2010-05-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I traveled the short distance from my house to Denton's town square. My mission? To find out how the new Yogurt Fusion compares to Yogurt Story (located near Chipotle on Loop 288).
Upon entering the bright little shop, I was immediately impressed by how clean and shiny everything was. The set up was the same as at Yogurt Story: there were yogurt dispensers along one wall and toppings spread out on the counter. Yogurt flavors included strawberry, blueberry, vanilla, pistachio, tart, yellow cake batter, chocolate, cookie dough, and several others. There was a nice variety of yogurt flavors, but the amount and variety of toppings was what really impressed me. Not only did they have the standard fresh fruit toppings as well as traditional ice cream toppings (cookie dough chunks, chocolate sprinkles, coconut flakes) but they had a large assortment of candy and cereal toppings. I saw Skittles next to granola chunks, and even pretzel bites!
Besides the larger assortment of toppings, there was no real difference in taste between Yogurt Fusion and Yogurt Story. But it was the atmosphere inside of Yogurt Fusion that was a little bit more 'Denton': there were stools facing the street and tables and chairs outside so that you could watch the town square while enjoying your frozen treat, and the girl behind the counter was incredibly friendly and helpful. There was even a Wii console set up for customers to use!
The only thing that I thought they could improve upon was the music: while I was waiting for the cashier to ring us up, I could plainly here a top 40 radio station blaring through the speakers. With such a rich music culture here in town, why not incorporate local artists into your playlist instead of blasting that junk?
Music aside, I think that Yogurt Fusion has great potential. Feeling extra nosy, I perused their Facebook page and I absolutely loved what they had to say:

"Yogurt Fusion is all about the people. It is the place where people can share life together! It is the fusion of healthy frozen desserts and specialty coffee drinks. It is the fusion of people of various cultures, backgrounds, ages and talents!"

Now THAT is a mission statement! I really hope that Yogurt Fusion garners the kind of attention and business that makes them a local staple. I'm tired of driving to the always-hectic Loop 288, where I'm forced to stand in a long line with a bunch of high school students on first dates. And besides, we could always use another great dessert spot here in Denton!

Photo taken from http://www.facebook.com/yogurtfusion