Weird Sh*t in My Neighborhood: Scientology's Colossal "Church"

I'm not against religion per se, but I am absolutely against the pseudo-religious money-grubbing organization known as Scientology. This mega-behemoth so-called 'place of worship' is located a little too close to my house for comfort. They even have a separate facility called the Celebrity Centre International where B-list actors can go to share their warm thoughts and fuzzy feelings on Scientology.

These 'celebrities' drone on with testimonials (riddled with nonsense and poor grammar) on how Scientology has helped them, and how they recommend it to anyone and everyone. Yet, I'm still unclear as to how Scientology has helped them. Take Jason Dohring, the newest poster boy for what can be properly termed 'the world's biggest cult'. Wait, you don't know who he is? Me neither. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and actually read his full interview, hoping to gain some insight into this mysterious group of snake oil salesmen.

Here are some of Jason's words of wisdom: 

When you receive auditing, you see how your past decisions stay with you and unknowingly affect your life today. Once you uncover those decisions, you´re not the effect of them anymore. Apparently, he needed Scientology to tell him that his past decisions affect his present situation. Surprise! I'd say he  got his money's worth, wouldn't you? Here's another little gem of wayward information that I can't even begin to wrap my brain around:

What's a win you've had from your auditing?

I was in session one time and we got to the end of an incident and the auditor asked if there was anything earlier, similar to the incident that we were just running. I couldn't think of anything and I thought that was pretty much it. But she kept asking for something earlier. And all of a sudden I got this picture of this tree. “Well, I don't know what this is. I've just got a picture of a tree,’ I said.“Is there anything more to that?’ she asked.

So, basically, while doing that, I came up with the most unbelievable [injury] incident. And at the end of it, we found the underlying decision I had made at the time. And it's amazing, man! You find these decisions that are affecting your life today, from past incidents, past experiences. The decision was, “I'm not listening to you, buddy.’ 

I wish I could tell you that this excerpt is taken completely out of context, but I can't. The entire interview continues on in that manner, and neither Jason nor his interviewer ever won me over. Then again, I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who looks like he's about 10 years too late for Heaven's Gate. Oh well, I guess he just found the next best thing.