Meet Chaz, The Michael Scott of Yoga

I have always loved yoga but found the instructional DVDs a little dull. I understand that yoga is supposed to be a quiet, reflective meditation, but why does that always translate to boring? I need a work out plan that satisfies my desire to not have to leave the house, exercise in one hour or less, and keep my ADD-addled brain constantly amused. Enter the FREE yoga podcasts produced by Yogamazing.com...

What's different about these podcasts versus the stuffy old DVDs? An instructor named Chaz who resembles Steve Carell's character Michael Scott on The Office, both in looks and awesome abundance of corny, forehead-slapping jokes. I can't help but giggle whenever Chaz makes an offhanded quip to the camera and then unabashedly laughs at himself.

One of my favorites is the brief, 25 minute morning podcast when he advises his students to do their yoga before they take a shower, otherwise they would (obviously) arrive at work to questions of 'Hey, did you do yoga this morning? I can tell. Har har.' What's really great is that it's just Chaz and the camera, so there's an extra-awkward silence before he begins to laugh himself. Try not to smirk when one of Chaz's stinkers blows up in his face as you perform utkatasana (chair pose) or vrksasana (tree pose). 

In all seriousness, he's a great instructor and his humor doesn't take away from his well-choreographed yoga flows. He can make fun of himself even while he's holding difficult asanas (poses), which is  very reassuring and completely unique to his classes. If Chaz can make the perpetual, dreaded return to down dog pose funny, then it can't be that bad. As he says time and time again on his podcasts, Yogamazing is 'where down dog is man's best friend'.

 

Weird Sh*t in My Neighborhood: Scientology's Colossal "Church"

I'm not against religion per se, but I am absolutely against the pseudo-religious money-grubbing organization known as Scientology. This mega-behemoth so-called 'place of worship' is located a little too close to my house for comfort. They even have a separate facility called the Celebrity Centre International where B-list actors can go to share their warm thoughts and fuzzy feelings on Scientology.

These 'celebrities' drone on with testimonials (riddled with nonsense and poor grammar) on how Scientology has helped them, and how they recommend it to anyone and everyone. Yet, I'm still unclear as to how Scientology has helped them. Take Jason Dohring, the newest poster boy for what can be properly termed 'the world's biggest cult'. Wait, you don't know who he is? Me neither. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and actually read his full interview, hoping to gain some insight into this mysterious group of snake oil salesmen.

Here are some of Jason's words of wisdom: 

When you receive auditing, you see how your past decisions stay with you and unknowingly affect your life today. Once you uncover those decisions, you´re not the effect of them anymore. Apparently, he needed Scientology to tell him that his past decisions affect his present situation. Surprise! I'd say he  got his money's worth, wouldn't you? Here's another little gem of wayward information that I can't even begin to wrap my brain around:

What's a win you've had from your auditing?

I was in session one time and we got to the end of an incident and the auditor asked if there was anything earlier, similar to the incident that we were just running. I couldn't think of anything and I thought that was pretty much it. But she kept asking for something earlier. And all of a sudden I got this picture of this tree. “Well, I don't know what this is. I've just got a picture of a tree,’ I said.“Is there anything more to that?’ she asked.

So, basically, while doing that, I came up with the most unbelievable [injury] incident. And at the end of it, we found the underlying decision I had made at the time. And it's amazing, man! You find these decisions that are affecting your life today, from past incidents, past experiences. The decision was, “I'm not listening to you, buddy.’ 

I wish I could tell you that this excerpt is taken completely out of context, but I can't. The entire interview continues on in that manner, and neither Jason nor his interviewer ever won me over. Then again, I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who looks like he's about 10 years too late for Heaven's Gate. Oh well, I guess he just found the next best thing.

L.A. Craigslist Ads: A Veritable Comedic Gold Mine

Reading the Los Angeles Craigslist ads has become a daily guilty pleasure of mine. Honestly, I can't remember when I've laughed so hard. And I haven't even ventured into the sections with hilarious sobriquets like 'missed connections' and 'casual encounters'. Right now, I'm sticking to the 'gigs--talent' section. With provocative titles like these,  I couldn't not click on them. Luckily, the descriptions were more than rewarding:

LITTLE PERSON FOR DEMON ROLE IN MUSIC VIDEO!!

Little Person, male or female, needed to play an over-the-top DEMON limo driver in a country music video shooting in Hollywood on Tuesday, Sept. 14th. Come have fun! 

 

98 lb Weakling type needed for TV Interview

Tired of watching your beefy friends get girls? Tired of sleeping in doorways because your chiseled roommate is bringing home a different girl each night? A successful TV show is looking for a nerdy, 98 lb weakling type to give a brief, on camera interview.

 

THE CHINA-DAVE MATTHEWS COVER BAND - Asian DMB cover band

My name is Bruno and I've been a Dave Matthews Band fan for 13 years now. I love them! I love playing their music and I wanted to get a group of people together to create a cover band. Since I'm Asian, Chinese to be exact, I thought it would be interesting to maybe create an all Asian DMB Cover band called The China-Dave Matthews Cover Band. I'm ideally looking for a really talented drummer, an awesome bassist, a sweet saxophone player and a soulful violin player. If you guys are interested, drop me a line. I'm in the very initial stages of putting this together; I guess this posting serves as a test to see if people would be interested in doing this. If you are, please reply!

Thanks for your time!
Bruno (Chinadave)  

 

Girls needed for jealousy

Hey,
I want to make my ex jealous for the prank she pulled on me and I am going to need 2-3 girls to play short games at a bar
If you're interested it pays 20 per hour.Why not get paid to have a good time and enjoy some laughs?
Please send pictures.

 

Scooter Smiff Music Video

Casting Models for "I Want You" Music Video for Scooter Smiff featuring Mashaun. Scotter Smiff is a 14-year old, Baltimore raised, triple-threat (actor/dancer/rapper) who first gained attention for his music when he released the track "Head Of The Class" featuring Chris Brown. 

When Choosing (s)Insurance, Let Your Inner Child Be Your Guide

I'm not ashamed to admit that I chose my car insurance based on their mascot. And no, it wasn't the Geico gecko. Give me a little credit. It was the adorable, spunky, pink-haired superhero chick from esurance-- Erin Esurance just seems trustworthy, you know? She even has her own virtual world that you can explore on the esurance site.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I had no idea how much work it would be to update my auto insurance. My skimpy, $96/month policy from Progressive wasn't going to cut it, so I canceled and started shopping around (Besides, their spokesperson is a real-live person named Flo with a face and a too-peppy voice that only a mother could love).

 If you want to experience one of the possible scenarios one might suffer through in hell, then you should spend an afternoon online getting insurance quotes.  I went to Insurance.com, a website that claimed (har) to ask only 'one set of questions' to compare quotes from 12 major companies, in order to 'save you time and money' by not having to answer each individual company's queries. Well, they lied. They showed me the top two quotes: one from one company I knew and another that sounded borderline legitimate at best. Then, they gave me 'helpful' links to other companies' websites where I would then have to guess what?  RE-ENTER ALL OF THE INFORMATION I JUST SPENT 20 MINUTES ENTERING. But hey, at least it's all easy stuff that everyone already knows the answer to right away. Like your vehicle identification number, the deductible amount from your last insurance policy, the exact dates of all of your traffic violations within the last 5 years. Boy was that a fun time speeding down memory lane. But I got it sorted out after many hair-pulls and heavy sighs, and as a reward I got a policy confirmation email from Erin Esurance herself! I feel so privileged;  Flo never sent me emails.

It's not your fault, American Apparel. We're just wearing you wrong!

 

When I first saw some of the slightly awkward models that American Apparel employs in magazines, billboards, and online ads, I was a little bit impressed.  I thought well on the company for wanting to promote clothing both modeled and worn by normal-ish people, and I could appreciate the company's unwillingness to follow other retailers' use of scrawny, hollow-cheeked, prepubescent girls (ahem Urban Outfitters).

Then came the uber-racy online ads. I wasn't too thrilled with the ever-present, sheer lace-clad model scrolling down my Facebook page, legs spread suggestively, expression devoid of anything but the usual 'sex face'. I was even less impressed by the artless arrangement of the models' bodies: in some of the ads, their legs and arms were bent in ways that looked as painful as their faces made them seem.   

And yet, I was still intrigued by a place whose popularity sky-rocketed almost overnight. I decided to go on a fact-finding mission in order to learn more about this omnipresent brand. Naturally, I eschewed the gold leggings and burnout hoodies and decided to try something more conventional like their plain cotton dresses and skirts. 

But no matter how many sizes and styles I tried on, they all looked about as good as a brand-new school uniform. I was confused: was my ass getting fat again? My legs too long? Torso too short? Frustrated, I finally found a dress appropriately titled 'Le Sac' which is (you guessed it) very much like a sack. And guess how it looks? 

After going home and further scrutinizing the models, I had a eureka moment when I realized what the problem was---I wasn't wearing their clothes in the right setting! I mean, look at their ads. Would you look good in a mesh bodysuit if you were standing up on your own two feet like a normal person? Or if you paired the bodysuit with anything else? No, silly; you should always be bending over backwards onto a glass table to get the right effect of the ensemble. Duh!

naughty modesty to be considered for The Printed Blog!

I came across The Printed Blog last week, and after making sure it was reasonably legit, I decided to apply to for one of their feature blogger positions. I admit, I first had a good laugh at the idea (A synopsis of blogs in a printed magazine delivered weekly? What's next, an attachment for your iPhone that prints your text messages?), and to be honest, I didn't think they'd respond! When they did answer my inquiry and asked if I'd like naughty modesty to be considered by their editors for publication, I was more than a little bit humbled; I felt like a jerk for bad-mouthing their very novel (har) idea. And after reading a few of their back issues I was impressed and a little flattered, because not only do they pick some of the most interesting and out-there blogs on the web, but they pair them with some of the most thought-provoking photos I've ever seen. Some of them were risque, wacky, or downright confusing. But they were all photos that my eyes crawled over for much longer than it took to devour the short and sweet blog posts, causing me to reconsider the depths of what photography can express with a single picture. Plus, I have to give them some serious respect for their devilishly brilliant tagline 'Like the internet. Only flammable'.

So, I have agreed to let The Printed Blog's editors comb through naughty modesty each week *fingers crossed* Let's see what they can find!

Meet the pupusa, the Salvadoran hot pocket! & other tales from LA la land

Today marks the ten day anniversary of my stay in Los Angeles...and for lack of a more original phrase, 'what a long strange trip it's been'. In addition to working my ass off for my new job at BestNewBands.com, I've been exploring the city and my neighborhood and taking in as much local color as possible, something that this city is overflowing with. Here are just a few irreverent (and mostly irrelevant) observations about my new home that have really made an impression or just made me chuckle:

Judging from the latest ubiquitous hipster fad, there are a lot of tail-less foxes running around the outskirts of Los Angeles.

Dogs have obtained the same status as children, both in sheer numbers and the crazy ways that their owners adorn them.

There are pupuserias on every corner, always with a line out the door. What is a pupuseria you might ask? A place where you buy a pupusa, of course ( a kind of Salvadoran hot pocket).

Everyone here is an equal opportunity partier. Saturday night, Tuesday afternoon, it's all good. Any and all of the time, with a fervor and dedication that rivals Mardi Gras-goers. On Saturday I went to Sunset Junction, a street fair hosting local artists, vendors, and 5 stages with all kinds of bands. I was standing on the street, enjoying a nice warm beer when two girls began to scuffle next to me, obviously inebriated. One girl eventually yanked up the other girl's dress, much to my surprise and an incredible lack of surprise from my fellow fair-goers. She apparently exposed a lot more than she had been prepared to share with the crowd, judging from her lack of undergarments.

American Apparel is certainly not going out of business in Silver Lake anytime soon. There are enough mesh tank tops in the window display to make Lt. Jim Dangle blush.

Everyone loves what could be called 'new wave candy kids glam' which is exactly as flashy and semi-interesting as it sounds. See video below for further details: