It's not your fault, American Apparel. We're just wearing you wrong!

 

When I first saw some of the slightly awkward models that American Apparel employs in magazines, billboards, and online ads, I was a little bit impressed.  I thought well on the company for wanting to promote clothing both modeled and worn by normal-ish people, and I could appreciate the company's unwillingness to follow other retailers' use of scrawny, hollow-cheeked, prepubescent girls (ahem Urban Outfitters).

Then came the uber-racy online ads. I wasn't too thrilled with the ever-present, sheer lace-clad model scrolling down my Facebook page, legs spread suggestively, expression devoid of anything but the usual 'sex face'. I was even less impressed by the artless arrangement of the models' bodies: in some of the ads, their legs and arms were bent in ways that looked as painful as their faces made them seem.   

And yet, I was still intrigued by a place whose popularity sky-rocketed almost overnight. I decided to go on a fact-finding mission in order to learn more about this omnipresent brand. Naturally, I eschewed the gold leggings and burnout hoodies and decided to try something more conventional like their plain cotton dresses and skirts. 

But no matter how many sizes and styles I tried on, they all looked about as good as a brand-new school uniform. I was confused: was my ass getting fat again? My legs too long? Torso too short? Frustrated, I finally found a dress appropriately titled 'Le Sac' which is (you guessed it) very much like a sack. And guess how it looks? 

After going home and further scrutinizing the models, I had a eureka moment when I realized what the problem was---I wasn't wearing their clothes in the right setting! I mean, look at their ads. Would you look good in a mesh bodysuit if you were standing up on your own two feet like a normal person? Or if you paired the bodysuit with anything else? No, silly; you should always be bending over backwards onto a glass table to get the right effect of the ensemble. Duh!